Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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