I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
