96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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