Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
