he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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