I think I won the penis lottery.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize