My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
