do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
