there was a trapeze. enough said
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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