the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize