so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
