Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
