When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize