Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
