My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
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It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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