Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
