Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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