I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
