Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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