every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
