420 ftw
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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