Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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