So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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