It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
