I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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