Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
