I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
