HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
