i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize