my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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