After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
