Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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