i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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