i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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