How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
