Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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