My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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