im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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