proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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