Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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