he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Four minutes until I can fart!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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