Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We need to get me chipped asap
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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