planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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