I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize