I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
