I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
