You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
