If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
