The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
