I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
