it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
