it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
