WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
