put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The air was thick with penises
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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