I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
