If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
