After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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