i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
