wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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