youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
