You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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