I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it glows. i had to have it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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